Blue: A Couch Story
Denée Tyler
1981 – Blue Macramé Couch Belonging to David and Sandra D________
A large and roughly handsome football player in the middle of an intense game of “Do You Love Your Neighbor?” slams his full body weight into the couch and breaks the entire macramé frame. The couch is never quite the same, and the boyfriend fades into distant memory.
1986 – Blue Flowered Couch from the Side of the Road in Atlantic Highlands, NJ
A new mother comes home from the hospital to find that her husband has dumpster dived a couch to replace the folding chairs formerly used. Her rear end is eternally grateful even as she soaks the whole thing in Lysol.
1989 – Blue Velveteen Sectional with Double Recliners
Industrious mother dumps entire bottle of rubber cement on a seat cushion while making quiet books to entertain a precocious three year old. After much scraping, soaking, and crying, everything looks almost good as new.
1995 – Blue Velveteen Sectional with Hide-A-Bed
Hyper five and nine year-olds use bed as a makeshift trampoline. All is well until the springs separate from the frame and the entire bed drops abruptly to the floor. No one is hurt, just too scared to tell mom.
1999/2000 – Blue Corner Section of Aforementioned Velvet Sectional
During an epic New Year’s Eve party, the corner section gets one too many fanny-first dives and completely gives way, leading to a chair that now sits approximately ten inches off the ground. Many fingers are pointed, but no one will admit to being the final fanny.
2007 – Blue Velveteen Sectional/Blue Microfiber Theater Group
Family spends all day carting large heavy couches up from the basement. Many walls are dinged, and fingers are smashed. Couch goes to its new home down the street in order to make way for new microfiber theater grouping (all recliners!!).
2009 – Blue Microfiber Theater Group
Family discovers that all recliners can be a bad thing when there is a flaw in the recliner release mechanism. After several of the new chairs break, father gets fed up and replaces the mechanism in every chair.
2011 – Blue Microfiber Theater Group
Family enjoys leisure time together stretched out on their recliners enjoying marathon viewing sessions of The Amazing Race, Harry Potter, Pride and Prejudice, and Nickelodeon’s Avatar: the Last Airbender (the TV series, NOT the movie). All couches currently in working condition. Life is good.
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